Arranged Marriages
I’m here
to explain the advantages of arranged marriages over “in love”
marriages. Arranged marriages and whether they are beneficial or not has been a
question which has been around almost as long as the concept of marriage
itself. Arranged marriages are common in
Indian, Pakistani and Orthodox Jewish circles. This is NOT to be
confused with "forced marriages".
Arranged
marriages are when the parents, or third party such as a matchmaker, research
and make a calculated decision. They look into both man and woman to see if
values, interests, and goals are compatible. This is somebody you can
trust and someone you are open and honest with so they can match you up as
accurately as possible. Everyone is solely
interested in everyone else’s benefit.
Experts
claim that arranged marriages are far more likely to lead to a lasting
affection then 'marriage of passion'. Harvard academic Dr. Robert Epstein has
studied arranged marriages for over 30 years and interviewed 100
couples. He had found that among 'in love' matches the love begins to fade as
much as half in 18 months as opposed
to arranged marriages the love tends to grow gradually and surpasses the
love of the unarranged marriage around 5 years down the line. Ten years later
the affection felt by arranged marriages is twice as strong.
The
problem in part with love marriages, says Epstein, is that they’re based on a
love that is perennially misunderstood, influenced by unrealistic media
portrayals that present it as an uncontrollable, spur of the moment force. “We
grow up on fairy tales and movies in which magical forces help people find
their soul mates, with whom they effortlessly live happily ever after,” wrote
Epstein in a cover article for Scientific American MIND. “The fairy tales leave
us powerless, putting our love lives into the hands of the Fates.” Such
relationships can implode when the characteristic love of the newly married
dissipates as time goes on.
In
today's society marriage is becoming less common especially within the
male population. According to 'Pew
Research Center
I’m not
here to convince anyone of the importance of marriage. Being raised with
extreme family values is something I am thankful for and frankly I have a hard
time relating to anyone who tells me "marriage is
not necessarily their goal". Everyone is entitled to
their own opinion and while not many people truly want to be single forever,
the idea to some is becoming more and more appealing. Though in terms of how to
go about getting married is something I am strongly in favor of. I believe that
finding a relationship these days is hard enough. Every person is their own
world and comes with their own interests, personality, and positive and
negative traits. Marriage is not something to take lightly. When being set up
through an arranged marriage so much of what can be a hardship or future issues
that can arise, are filtered out. Nobody is perfect but at least issues are
made known to both sides prior to such a commitment. One going into an arranged
marriage knows what they are getting in to because research by one they trust
has been done.
Imagine you can start off dating
someone knowing you won’t come across issues that don’t seem important at the
time, though can break or make a relationship. It can be a technical issue,
where you see yourself living, or if you would like to have kids or not. It’s
interesting, or shall I say ironic how most people research and thoroughly look
into any major decision, business deal, or life plan, though when it comes to
marriage- a major life decision, this is not the common way to go about it.
Wouldn’t you rather go into a
marriage feeling safe and secure and build a strong relationship that will
deepen as time goes on, then one that can diminish?
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